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  • Writer's pictureArielle Grossman

Unearthing your anger box

Updated: Dec 7, 2019

Whenever I ask my clients to describe their angry part, I get an amazing array of analogies:

“Feels like my head is a balloon, ready to pop!”

“It’s a mean dragon that blows people away in a fiery rage”

“My anger feels like the bouncer to a club you’re trying to get into—it’s intimidating, big and scary”

That last one is my favorite because I think that’s how many people feel about their anger—scared. Fear is often why many people don’t address their anger in time and let it build.

When someone is terrified of their anger, what commonly happens is:

Repression. In other words, swallowing the things that make you irritated, frustrated, stressed and eventually turning inwards, eating away at you until you become more depressed and anxious, self-destructive in forms of self-harming behavior, passive aggressive, and emotionally cut-off.

Swallowing our anger is more common than explosive. For many of us, it may not feel safe to show our anger especially if you’re not used to it. Anger in our society is often considered taboo on top of our own fear around it, so we trap it in a box and bury it deep in our backyard of repressed emotions. Therapy can be a fantastic way to start unpacking that anger box one step at a time.

Anger, when released in safe and healthy ways can be an amazing feeling. Giving ourselves permission to be angry and then let it go…!? No way! Yes way! It takes courage to grab a shovel and unearth the anger box, but it is possible and so worthwhile. By taking the power back of what has scared you for so long, or felt too big to look at, will help you move out of your self-destructive behavior and resentments. And ultimately grant you the emotional freedom you’ve been looking for this entire time.

Connecting and releasing your anger may feel too intimidating to do on your own, in which I highly recommend therapy for the support. I will be with you in your backyard of repressed emotions and help you find the anger box, but you have control of the shovel. We will dig at your own pace and open the box when you’re ready. It’s not Pandora’s box, just yours. It’s okay to be worried about what may spill out of this box. This is totally normal! But don’t worry, you have an anger archaeologist right beside you! You won’t be doing this work alone.

Contact me today if you are ready to release what’s been buried and find your true self again.



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